Up all night, got demons to fight

2 years down the drain.

I realize a lot of my problems start with a few men. I know I’m not perfect myself but I surrounded myself with very negative people at a young age. A terrible girl and a few terrible men. I’ve tried to fix myself with and without help but when it’s dark and I’m alone with my thoughts a few things cross my mind that never have gone away.
Sometimes I wish I could erase things that have happened to me because I could spend all the time I’ve spent worrying, crying, cutting and all of the sort with something productive that I love, music. Because I know if I have done that I would be so much better then I am now. I want to write again, I want to swim again, I want to be creative again. I want to find who I am again. I want to smile for real again.
With all the negative people in my life, you’ve shown me the light. Sometimes I may seem angry, it’s just because it’s so new to me. The love I have for you is really unlike any other.
Thank you
You’re the strongest step forward I’ve taken yet. I’ve still got a long way to go but thank you for staying this long already.

I know I’m a terrible person but,

I don’t want you to go to DCI next year, I want you to come to Brazil with me and spend all your time with this band and not a DCI band. I don’t want you to find someone else who is a hell of a lot hotter and more talented that you spend 24 hours a day with for two months during all days. I know it’s so far in the future but it makes me so uneasy.

I know I’m not good enough to get into any DCI groups but it’s your passion and your dream to go down. I support you if you end up going down anyways but every day I will be terrified that someone better will sweep you off your feet and I will just be that worthless stampede band girl from Canada.

I’m a terrible person

putting glitter nail polish on: omfg this is so pretty look at the sparkles and the texture and sparkles and glitter omg i cant even this is amazing it is gold sparkles sparkles sparkles
taking glitter nail polish off: you son of a bitch suck my dick. hand me that knife to get this shit off. who has a sander? the fuck is this shit like gorilla glue? fucking fuck fuck fucking hate this fucking shit. fuck sparkles.